I've been through this before... I'll start writing, then stop writing, start writing, stop writing. And it never works. I set some goals or get wrapped up in some tangent or halfhearted cause and it all gets lost in the end. Well, who knows if this is going to stick this time, probably not, but unlike all of the times before, I'm not making any promises. Besides, this is for me, not you. Don't take that the wrong way, but lets be honest, who really, I mean REALLY writes or blogs or draws or paints or whatever their art solely for others' enjoyment? No one, that's who. Fret not, I will still take you into consideration from time to time.
But that's the beauty in turning 29, I've found.
See, I turned 29 this past September and I heard all sorts of different anecdotes about what it feels like to be 29, and only one really came to fruition for me... my mother-in-law told me "you just stop caring about what everyone thinks of you..." Not in a bad sense of not caring, like some misguided high school rebellion or sudden lack of hygiene, but you stop acting/thinking/saying/being what you think the rest of the world expects you to be and you start being who you want to be because it makes you happy. You stop trying to fit "in".
And it feels damn good.
Sort of like that corny poem "dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening..." Yeah, like that. Except a little more meaningful.
I realized that trying to please other people with who I am as a person, was most certainly not making me happy. Nor those closest to me, because they're all a lot smarter than I am and could see through my thinly veiled efforts of portraying an image. I was on this cycle of being someone I was not. All parts of who I am, but definitely not the sum.
So I'm not going to try to please anyone or make anyone happy anymore, because its not fair to me, nor to you. Who wants some bogus manufactured version of themselves?
I've really enjoyed writing in the past, and I always seem to come back to it, so lets see what comes of it, this time around.
"Do your twenty suck until twenty-nine? Holding what can't let you go Dance your heart out to the 3-4 tango"
So at the ripe old age of 29, who do you see yourself as? 10 years ago you were a hardcore kid, with a love of old cars and hanging with friends. Or at least that's what I thought you were. Give us some detail on who Derek is now.
ReplyDeleteI'm still very much that person, except now, instead of letting those things define who I am as a whole, those things are simply a part of my life. I've gone through a handful of phases since then and they've all been amplified versions of the parts that make up me. Instead of allowing one or two facets of my personality define me, I'm learning to allow room for all of my passions and interests, and not to limit myself to the influence of a few defining characteristics, if that makes sense. Like I said, "I was on this cycle of being someone I was not. All parts of who I am, but definitely not the sum"
Delete