Tuesday, May 21, 2013


I'm getting really good at making excuses lately. Every time I get inspired to write something, I find a reason to talk myself out of stopping and jotting it down, or noting my inspiration in some fashion... My thought is "I'll sit down at the computer soon and focus on really nailing down this thought or that feeling." I never do, and like today, by the time I get to it, most of those thoughts and feelings are merely ghosts of themselves. But I've got a lot on my mind, so I don't think all is lost.

I think this sort of procrastination speaks to a larger part of my life. There always seems to be a better time or better circumstances to do something. But it's a lie. When I look back on my past, its dotted with instances where I should have done or said this or that, and I didn't and things would have been a lot better if I would have listened to my gut.

I'm coming up on 30 in a few months, and I'm not going to say that's old, because it's far from it, but it pretty much cements the fact that I am an adult and I am responsible for my actions (or inactions) and its certainly time to start making things count. I've lived a really comfortable life, and I don't necessarily mean that in the "financial" sort of way, I mean that I've never taken very many chances... sure I've taken a few really big ones, like getting married at 23, getting a tattoo at 19 without my parents permission or awareness, driving 100mph in a 50 year old car, but that's about it, and in reality, who hasn't done similar, and turned out just fine? Instead of getting comfortable taking chances, I just got comfortable in my easy, somewhat boring, inside-of-the-lines life.

I've lived in the same area since the day I was born. I've hardly traveled outside of my state with a handful of exceptions. I've never quit a job without a back up plan, even in high school. I've never been in a fight. I've got to admit, I'm pretty sick of just existing.

So, why the hell am I talking about all of this really depressing stuff?

Two weeks ago, my Wife graduated with her Masters degree. A week ago we left for Portland, Oregon on vacation. So what do these two events have to do with anything? Well, not really all that much on the surface, except the vacation was a surprise graduation present for my Wife who has spent the last three years juggling a full-time job with a full-time college load. Three years straight, even summer semesters.

We had been talking about visiting Portland for a few years now, and we have gotten to know a handful of people out there through various means, and it seemed really appealing to us.

So off we went...

Now, at this point I could go on and on for pages about all of the details of the trip. To put it simply, it was amazing. I know that word gets used a lot in modern vocabulary and it has greatly lost it's meaning, but there is no other word to explain it.

Within the first day, it felt like we were home. And I know what home feels like, I've been in the same place for almost 30 years... this felt more like home than anything I had ever felt in my life...

It was... scary
It was... liberating
It was... exciting
It was... terrifying...

But why terrifying? It changed my entire idea of what life could be. It made me realize how big and open the future really is, and how much I had limited it's possibilities.

There is still plenty more to say, but I will stop here, for now. The story isn't finished yet, there is much left to be written...

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